Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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