turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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