Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
