You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
