For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
