She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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