I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize