speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
