just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
As shirtless as possible
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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