we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize