I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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