She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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