i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
