It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
