oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
