Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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