every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
