Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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