Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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