honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
