i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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