did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
time to smoke my breakfast
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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