He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
