I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
