i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
did i just pee glitter
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
