just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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