the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
