I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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