Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
