dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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