is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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