I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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