We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
