Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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