Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
