girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
