The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
