Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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