found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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