She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
