____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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