And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
