seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
