I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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