yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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