3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
