What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
