dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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