Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
