so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
