I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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