just come out here and I will go home with you...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize