Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
