just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
