I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
