My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
