I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
