So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
