walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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