so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
