Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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