my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
