dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
