Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
