I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
